Some people say there are only a handful of things that are better than sex.
Though, when we talked to some Filipino Women1 through a recent study done by Durex, we found out that a whopping 61% of them enjoyed sex LESS than their partner. YIKES. That’s a whole lot of women not enjoying their sexy times. There could be a handful of reasons why this is happening to women but one thing is for sure, there is a big gap when it comes to pleasure in the bedroom.
Not convinced? Let’s do a quick Q&A:
- Have you ever found it difficult to open up with your partner about your sexual needs?
- Have you ever felt like you want more during your sexy times but end up being unsatisfied?
- Have you ever faked an orgasm during sex?
- Do you wish your partner would do more things to excite you before the act?
- Do you ever feel like you give more than you receive?
If you’ve answered yes to at least one of these questions, then you have an idea about what the Pleasure Gap is all about. According to the same study, 98% of Filipino women believe that it is important to equally enjoy sexy times with their partners. Though with this current disparity in enjoyment, we still have a long way to go before we can actually achieve it.
Let’s dive into some of the reasons why this gap exists.
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It’s 2022, but we all still feel some degree of shame in the bedroom2. Women still have a difficult time talking about their libidos and exploring their sexuality because it is often criticized and scandalized unlike with men. Despite the slight increase in media representation, the accessibility of sex toys, and more women openly exploring their fantasies nowadays — the lack of conversation and education surrounding female pleasure contributes a lot to the pleasure gap in heterosexual relationships3.
Let’s Talk About The Big O
The Big O — it’s that mind-numbing, toe-curling, rush of ecstasy that envelopes you from head-to-toe; making you sigh (or scream, no judgment) in satisfaction. But it seems like not everyone can achieve it.
The same study from Durex found out that 21.6% (22%) of Filipino women do not orgasm every time they have sex, while 27% of them have faked an orgasm with a partner1. That’s a sizable chunk of women left unsatisfied in their sexual relationships. Nobody likes to be left high and dry but the way it is the woman’s obligation to provide pleasure to her partner and put her own on the back burner4 could’ve led to this.
We also found out that amongst the group of Filipino women we talked to 75.9% (76%) desire to have more foreplay. We need to remember that foreplay is not a dirty word. We shouldn’t be afraid to explore and play. There are a lot of aspects of female sexuality (and anatomy) still remain a mystery, especially to men. So, many may find it surprising that a woman’s erogenous zones extend beyond their genitals5 and require a lot of loving too.
The study also revealed that 83% of Filipino women have said that they experience pleasure when they give pleasure but 64.2% (64%) of them said that they want to receive more pleasure than giving pleasure. It’s obvious that the women know what they want. But the shortage of exploration and sexual stimulation of the female body could be due to the lack of education or even selfishness of their partners. Taking the time to explore your partner’s erogenous zones through foreplay and not just going straight to penetrative sex can make it equally satisfying for both parties.
But achieving satisfaction is not just about pleasure, but it is also protection. According to the study, 80% of Filipino women think sex with a condom is more pleasurable because it makes you feel more protected. It also cites that 46% of them feel better when their partner wears a condom. That feeling of safety and protection can help increase a woman’s libido6 which can help them achieve the Big O.
Now that we’ve talked about the different reasons why the pleasure gap exists, let’s discuss what we can do to bridge it.
Closing The Gap
Coming from the different reasons above, we have to admit that sex is a reciprocal thing because experiencing pleasure is a collaborative experience2. Just like any powerful partnership, both parties need to work together in order to achieve equal satisfaction. What can you do to achieve equality in the bedroom? Here are some tips:
1. Don’t be shy. Use your words.
Communication is the key to any great relationship and that includes sex! I know it might be a bit uncomfortable to just blurt out what you want or don’t want in bed but having an open conversation with your partner about your experiences, your curiosities, and fantasies can greatly help. Conversations like this can help build trust and connection with your partner to ensure that you are equally satisfied.
Pro Tip: If you’re having a hard time figuring out where to start, try being a bit more vocal in bed. You and your partner can both learn by doing. *wink*.
2. Go ahead. It’s okay to explore.
Do not underestimate the power of foreplay. This helps a lot in setting the mood and the pace of your sexy times. Taking the time to explore your partner’s body helps you to discover each other’s turn ons. Sex isn’t just the act of penetration but the whole experience leading up to it. So take your time and enjoy the ride.
Pro Tip: Take the time to explore your own body, too. This allows you to clearly know what you want and don’t want in bed so that you can articulate it clearly to your partner. Exploring doesn’t just mean using your hands, but you can use toys too.
Photo by Ikon Republik from Pexels
3. Remember: the wetter, the better.
Nobody wants a bumpy ride. To help get things going smoothly, you can use lube. Some people need a bit while others need a lot. Feel free to experiment and find out what works for you. Remember, there’s nothing shameful with having a bit of help when doing the slip and slide. Everybody is built differently, not everyone can produce a lot of natural lubricant during the act but we all deserve to get the best sexual experience we can.
Pro Tip: You can use lube for not just vaginal or anal sex, but it can also be used on oral sex, with toys, with your fingers, etc. Let your imagination run wild.
4. Safety first, safety always.
Some people might not find it pleasurable having sex with a condom. But remember there’s nothing sexier than feeling protected and safe. Make sure to keep your encounters fun and enjoyable by wrapping it up and keeping it safe, always.
Pro Tip: If you’re worried about not being comfortable wearing them, there’s a whole range of products from Durex that you can use to make your experience the best one.
In order to get the best sexperience, it’s good to remember that it’s better when you #ComeTogether. There’s still a long way to go before we can eliminate the seemingly never ending taboos towards sex and sexuality. But taking these first steps towards pleasure equality can make sex a much more enjoyable experience for everyone.
Keeping your partner satisfied may be a difficult one, but it’s not impossible. Remember, whether you want to be closer together, make the experience last longer, make the experience more pleasurable, extra safe, smoother, or more flavorful with Durex there’s always the right product for your needs. Shop our products now on Shopee and Lazada.
- Durex Regional Study. Data on Filipino Women, 18-34 years old
- Breaking Down the Sexual Pleasure Gap, available at https://video.vice.com/en_us/video/breaking-down-the-sexual-pleasure-gap-or-finishing-school-episode-2/5f870a92ddeb8902953b3d14. Accessed on 05 December 2022.
- Why is Female Sexual Pleasure Still A Taboo, available at https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/a34615379/why-is-female-sexual-pleasure-still-a-taboo/ Accessed on 05 December 2022.
- We Need to Talk About The Orgasm Gap and How to Fix it, available at https://ideas.ted.com/we-need-to-talk-about-the-orgasm-gap-and-how-to-fix-it/. Accessed on 05 December 2022.
- Everything You Need to Know About Erogenous Zones, available at https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/erogenous-zones. Accessed on 05 December 2022.
- The Science of Safety, available at https://lifeworksot.com.au/the-science-of-safety-how-feeling-safe-can-improve-our-health-and-wellbeing/